Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Have you seen her??

The black woman has been missing in action for some time now. She has been taking her styling tips from Hollywood and European fashion magazines. She’s been brainwashed into thinking that those features that define her and set her apart from all other races are no longer attractive. Suddenly dark skin is no longer attractive and voluptuous is synonymous with fat, WTF? Maybe we are to blame, our crime as men; not loving, appreciating nor complimenting our black women. Don’t just sit there while bleaching cream and diet products fly off the shelf. Let her know how much you appreciate her full lips, dark skin and full figure; let her know she’s beautiful!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Dear Doctor??

When was the last time you actually read the weekly Doctor’s Advice column in the newspaper? You know the one where he responds to the health related questions of his readers. Do you ever get the feeling that the good doctor often supplies the answers as well as the questions? I refuse to believe that any man, on discovering a sore on his penis the size of a twenty dollar coin is going to write an email and wait patiently until his response is published instead of just going to “see” a doctor. It’s not a kidney sir, you only have one penis! Oh yeah, Dear Pastor your column is just as suspect, just in case you think you’re off the hook.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

"Granny" cocaine dealer busted

'worse than me deh out there' is what 76 year old Edith May replied when police asked why she was involved in drug dealing. At an age where most of her peers are filling prescriptions, Edith has opted to become a pharmacist of sorts. While i don't condone drug dealing (especially crack cocaine), that pension cheque from the NIS is never enough anyway.

See article in The STAR

Monday, May 19, 2008

Please revise the speed limits

I got a ticket for doing 71 km/h in a 50 km/h zone. Do you have idea how slow 71 km/h is? Has the speed limit been revised since the days of Morris Oxfords and Austin Cambridges? I must admit that it might have been downright dangerous and reckless for a Morris Oxford or Austin Cambridge to go barrelling down the road at 71 km/h, but let’s fast forward to 2008. We have better roads and highways, better tyres and car makers have better technology. Traction control, disc brakes and ABS were invented for Christ’s sake. I’m not sure what govt ministry or agency is responsible, but I think a revision of our speed limits is long overdue.

Friday, May 16, 2008

30 the new 20?

I’m a seventies baby, born in 1975 and I’m not sure I agree. If you’re like me you may have initially thought the “gully creeper” was a vine indigenous to ravines or gorges. What the hell happened? I used to be current; I used to be in the know. Nowadays I rely on the younger persons in my office to keep me up on the new slangs, songs and dances. While I’m not quite ready to admit that I’m getting old, I can’t agree that thirty is the new twenty. Thirty is the same old thirty.

BTW - the "gully creeper" is a dance

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Thursday night at the fights

Last (Thursday) night at the Fights from firstjamaica on Vimeo.

Suddenly cable TV is no longer enough to entertain the residents of Tivoli Gardens on a Thursday night. Instead they’ve turned to street brawling, problem is a lot of the combatants are pre-teens. The bouts are somewhat organized, they wear gloves and fight in a makeshift ring. I just hope that they have to do their homework before they can street fight. I’m no social worker, neither do I have kids myself but I’m guessing that this is only going to make them even more aggressive and prone to violence than they already are. I pray that there’s prize money because I’m sure that none of these kids are on Blue Cross.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Gov't, Opposition to debate capital punishment?

Really now, what’s there to discuss? I’m guessing they’re undecided about whether it should be hanging, the electric chair or lethal injection. I say hanging, rope is cheap.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Police enforce the Noise Abatement Act

Police have begun to enforce the 2 a.m. cut-off time for weekly street dances. No complaints here, we the working class have been compromising (more like sacrificing) up until now. There are some Jamaicans who believe it or not actually need rest so that they can function at their jobs. Not all of us have the luxury of sleeping all day and partying all night. I hope this applies to church crusades with overzealous pastors with their loud PA systems.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Bachelor Cuisine

Grace, that instant porridge is an effing hit!!! I would like to thank you on behalf of all the bachelors who can’t cook but still deserve a warm meal in minutes. I aint talking about the mammas boys who have food for the week stored up in rubbermaid containers courtesy of mom. I’m talking about those of us who only have beer, butter and water in the fridge. Promote the dude who came up with this, give him the office with a view so he can come up with some more "just add water" bachelor cuisine.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

MEGAMART, a cult?

How else do you explain the parking lot always being full, even in the middle of the week during working hours, even with the recent hike in meat and food prices? With the current state of our economy how else can you explain the long lines at the cashier full of middle aged women with trolleys filled to the brim as if they were shopping for an orphanage. Trolleys laden with items that have increased in price by up to 30% since the beginning of last month. I’m not a regular grocery shopper but I’m yet to see the big price difference between them and a regular supermarket. What keeps these shoppers coming back? Just think about it, that’s all I’m saying.